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Talking the walk

The topic of today’s rant is my roommate, who I will refer to as Baric (not to be confused with Barak), who, despite fierce claims of love for all things Asian (especially Chinese) is woefully lacking when it comes to backing up his shit-talking.  Not only does he not play the violin at a near-professional level, he doesn’t know martial arts, and only rarely uses chopsticks.  The closest he gets is a mini-Budda statue in the bathroom and he sometimes brings home food from his parent’s Chinese restaurant (which is pretty damn good).  So, he basically has enough going for him to claim some street cred but not much beyond that, he can’t even make a good stereotype, just a caricature of a stereotype.


Now before you accuse me of being a racialist, I’m not limiting my shit-talking to Asians, it’s kinda pathetic to see the hordes of Americans of Irish background who don’t know anything about Irish history and think they’re getting in touch with their roots by drinking a lot of Bud-light and talking shit about the English.  Real Irish people would actually drink whiskey or high-quality beer, and they’d back up their shit-talking with a rebellion during which they’d get their asses beat by the Crown.


It’s an interesting phenomenon among certain immigrants, the people actually born in other countries will embrace being an American but their children, who are born here, will fiercely wave the flag of their parent’s country.  The parents, it seems, usually know how much better the USA is than where they came from, that’s why they came here, but the kids look for an identity to differentiate themselves from everyone else.


I wonder if that’s why so many ‘typical white people’ here in New England claim Native American descent as a badge of honor.  I mean, what fun is it to be French Canadian/Irish?  That’s everyone here, but being Native American makes you cool, you can talk about your spirit guide and buy a dreamcatcher.  Not that I have anything against that, I’d probably do that too if I could use that to get laid, but then again I’d claim that I was a progressive socialist (oxymoron?) to do that.


The main problem, as I see it, is that there is so much hollow talk of multi-culturalism in our society but when it comes to that people only look at the surface of things.  This shouldn’t be surprising considering that so many institutions in our society claim to celebrate “diversity” yet only look at someone’s facial features and melanin content.


There is an incredible plethora (I love that word) of interesting things to be found in cultures across the globe like Chinese medicine, empanadas, ice baths, and cocaine, but if we only look at what a person looks like instead of what’s in their heads we’ll never get to experience any of it.


Society will just continue along its merry way, summed up by my WOP friend Angelo (he actually does eat pasta and wear wife-beaters): The masses are asses

So, since everyone will continue to be led by a bullshit idea of multi-culturalism I say we beat them at their own game and invent a bunch of new stereotypes for people, they don’t have to be based on any grain of truth, that’ll make it more fun if it actually sticks.


So, for your homework see how many ridiculous stereotypes you can invent for various racial/ethnic groups.  This is what I have so far:


– Asians are horrible at home repair

– The Irish are amazing at juggling

– Blacks are terribly afraid of the color yellow

– Greeks are natural tap dancers

– Koreans grow hair really fast

– Indians hate “The Benny Hill Show”

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August 6, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. I got rid of the Buddha statue/candle-holder, which I inherited from a white friend who thought he was Asian.

    Comment by Baric | August 6, 2009 | Reply


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