Planetcaveman's Blog

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Why Timothy Dalton was the best Bond ever

I could tear you apart before or after sipping a fine cup of English tea

He more closely matched the James Bond from the original books than any other actor that played Bond. The Bond from the books was essentially the Queen’s hitman, the strong silent type who quietly went about his business and got the job done, the complete antithesis of the posh playboy who walks into a room and attracts attention from everyone, I find it even more ironic that the super secret spy can walk into a hotel in Taiwan after being held captive by the North Koreans for an extended period of time and the concierge knows him by name and even announces “Ahhh, Mr. Bond, so nice to see you, shall we see you to your room?”.

Yeah, real secret, but that is more a condemnation of the crappy Pierce Brosnan movies than of Brosnan himself, to his credit he actually wanted to take Bond to a gritty and more realistic direction like they wound up doing with Daniel Craig. Anyway, I could actually see Timothy Dalton’s Bond working as a janitor who cleaned disgusting bathrooms in a Soviet arms factory for a year so he could get the vital information he needed, nope, can’t see Sean Connery’s Bond doing that and don’t even get me started on prissy Roger Moore.

Another reason why Dalton ruled is because he had one of the hottest Bond girls ever, the criminally under-rated Cary Lowell.  She was the perfect companion for Dalton’s Bond: she wasn’t the type of beautiful to stop everything in a room but she was the under the radar beautiful type who was lovely even without make-up, not to mention she held a pistol pretty damn well.

Yep, she’s mighty fine, but later on she went and married gerbil-boy Richard Gere, WTF?  Another thing loathsome about Richard Gere is how quickly he jumped on the whole “climate change” nonsense.  We’ve long known that pretending to be a Marxist, while spouting emotionally charged but intellectually vacant phrases like “equality” and “sustainability”, is a good way to get foolish women but it appears that getting on board with this latest climate nonsense is the latest version of both socialism and how to best score naive and idealistic females.

Anyway, while it in undisputed among intelligent males that Dalton was the best Bond ever is it possible that Tom Selleck was the best Bond never to have been?  Shave the stache (I know, I know, it is blasphemy but it’s for the greater good) and give him a Brit accent and off he goes.


January 5, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. Daniel Craig is the best bond.
    He kicks more ass than the other 5 combined.

    Comment by Hugo Chavez | June 6, 2010 | Reply

  2. Oh, and Maryam D’Abo was the hottest bond chick.

    Comment by Hugo Chavez | June 6, 2010 | Reply

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